Bye 2009... Hello 2010...

In less then 12 hours, it will be the end of 2009 and the start of 2010.  Seems like the year by went by rather fast and I didn't even realize it until now.  A lot of things have happened, good and bad, and I am really grateful everything that has happened.  For everyone who I have met, new friends I've made, and people I no longer keep in contact with... thanks for everything.  In some big and small way, you have made 2009 a good year.  With the new year approaching, I hope to meet more new people and to get my life back on track in order to get where I need to be. 


I wish everyone the best in the new year, I hope things are great and that things will turn out how you want it to.  Never expect things to happen as you want but always be ready for the unexpected.  It's the little things that make life more exciting and worthwhile.


Highlights of 2009
- Going snowboarding for the first time.  It's absolutely something I enjoy and want to continue doing until I no longer can't (:
- Korean Music Festival at Hollywood Bowl, seeing SHINee and SS501 live performing... Onew&Hyunjun~!
- Meeting Marvin.  Baobei♥  You are my breath of fresh air, my support when I need it the most
- Finally sticking to something that I want to do in the future
- Having Jan come to SD for a few days, Reminds me of the Korea days.
- Realizing the ones that are true to me, not everyone I meet will be my friend, let alone like.  That's okay (:
- Going to my first baseball game for WBC - Korea vs Japan
- Getting my DSLR camera - Cannon Rebel XSi :D


Things for 2010... to improve and to strive for
- Work hard and continue to get to the end.  Although it will take time and hard work, I will finish school accordingly.  
- Find an internship and a job related to my intended future job.
- Do a better job of keeping in touch with my friends... I started to slack off during the summer
- Save up for a trip to Korea... it's time for a visit back sometime soon.

 

It's that time of year.

Winter break has started and I haven't done much >.<  I am ready to catch up with friends and to be lazy around the house.  That sounds lovely doesn't it?  Just a little, just a little (:  Youth group finished the past weekend and now its a mini break for two weeks.  Shopping, eating, snowboarding, hanging out... I WANT to do that before the break is done.  That might too much to do but before winter is done for sure.  Well... Christmas is just around the corner and I still feel like I am not ready for it to come yet!  I've been Christmas shopping and I realize how much I dislike crowds at the mall.  Christmas+Resa+Mall+Lots of people = BAD!  I'll wait to go shopping after Christmas or something ^^"  Just a few more days and then it's massive family time... exciting!!!

With that said, it almost the end of 2009 and the start of 2010~  It is hard to believe that the year has gone by so fast, I am not sure where it all went.  I"ll be back before the new year begins with my top memories and resolutions for the new year.  Until then... (:

Thanksgiving~

Thanksgiving is coming to an end and I still have mentioned the things I am thankful for this year.
o1. God - Without God, nothing is possible.  Thank you for keeping me safe the past year and watching over me.
o2. Family - Although we have disagreements and don't always see eye-to-eye, they are always there for me when I need them.  I love you guys (:
o3. Friends - The number isn't quite many but it's those few who make life just a little more entertaining and bearable when things aren't too hot.
o4. Boyfriend - You came at the right time, thank you for being here for me and putting up with me.  You pooper ~<3


Hmm... Black Friday shopping... yay or nay? =_="  I am waiting for my brother, who is doing his college essay.  Watch, I will fall asleep ^^"


Sometimes, it's just not enough.  I try and try but it doesn't always turn out how I want it or how you want it.  I guess it just wasn't meant to be or maybe God has something else in store that we are unaware of.  Although we say it's okay,deep down we both feel the disappointment, anger, and sadness.


I'm sorry... I can't do what you want or give you what you want.  That's all I can be and I hope it will be enough in the end to keep you next to me.

What a girl wants.

One, when we hold hands please Intertwine them

Two, when annoyed, just smile
Three, call don’t text
Four, make sure you make an eye contact when we talk

You don’t know what a girl wants

I was listening to 4minute - What a Girl Wants and decided to read the translation.  As I read the transitions, I found these part of the lyrics to be quite amusing because it's so easy to relate to.  That's probably why I like the song and keep listening to it over and over.  

Makes you wonder doesn't it?  Why are all guys the same... okay maybe not all but majority (no need to generalize).  Or maybe it's us girls who are just being complicated.  Hmmm, I disagree with the latter and will continue to believe that guys are dense.  Notes to all you guys out there, girls like it when you go that extra mile to make us feel special.  The little things will make us notice you more and appreciate the things you do.  The details and little things are what make all the difference in the world~

With that being said, happy seven months boyfriend ♥  Thank you for everything.  You make me smile and I can't help but be thankful.  ILY.

Time.

Time was the answer to that problem.  I can't help but feel a sense of relief that we were finally able to talk comfortably with each other.  It is as if things are okay now and that we both have moved on.  Thanks Oppa~


I had to get that off my chest ^^"  At least I know things ARE okay.  I guess we both just  needed time to let it pass.

Instigator?

Just when I thought it was right, it turns out like everything else. The obvious instigator is not them, but me. Yes. Me. Who would have thought right? Well it's not all that surprising if I think about it. I guess I never really thought about it until recently, I blame denial. I can't help but act the way I do, even if it bothers people. But if it's for the better, I will try even though it's really hard.


Sometimes it's just not enough... time for changes to happen. Just give me some time :T


It feels unsettling to know that things are just a little different now. I am not sure what it is... but it's something.

...

Why are people dumb?

Middle Person.

Being the middle person always sucks, so my theory is to make it easier for the middle person and to set aside your own wants in order to avoid drama.

I refuse to be the 'problem' and will attempt to put my feelings and my wants aside so people don't have to pick and choose. It's a lot easier said then done. Maybe it's me who really is the problem but I am in denial. But, I don't think so. People are selfish and inconsiderate, it's a normal feeling we all get. You want things your way It does get to a point where it is just ridiculous. Take some time to think about the situation and then go about saying and doing the things you do.

I am tired of it and therefore I will just pretend to not care. Your feelings > my feelings, I will get over it but you... not so much. I'll be the bigger person. Hm, that wasn't so hard now was it? Sometimes it's good to not care and to just phase it out. I'll be doing that more often.

If only people would realize the things I actually do because I actually do consider they feelings before my own. FMS~!

Assertive-ness

A quality many people lack but sometimes a person with it can be too much. I believe it can be a positive quality yet at the same time be negative. When it comes down it to, there has to be some assertive people in the world to balance out the unassertive people, which accounts for more then half the population. That might be a big assumption but think about it... it's true when you look at people you know.

When you like it, you better grab it when you have the chance or else it won't be there the next time around. When you hate it, just say it without feeling guilty because there is no need to pretend. Your needs, your thoughts, your desires are most important before anyone else's.

Inconsiderate.

If only there was a way to fix what had been done, relationships and friendships wouldn't end so quickly. Then maybe, just maybe... people would actually exert the necessary effort required.

I am at the point where it's time to just confront the problem to decide whether it's time to let go or time to mend.

Balance or unbalance?

You can never have both, it's always one or the other.

I am agitated and I don't even know where to start. Well actually... I want to know why are people so childish and unreasonable? It's not that hard to be straightforward with someone. If you can go around talking about it, then there shouldn't be any problem with addressing it with that someone. Two words: high school. Another thing, how did things turn out so dysfunctional? Within one summer, relationships changed without any notice. It's at the point where I don't care any longer but now I just want to know what went wrong. People aren't suppose to be easily replaced and the excuses that are given are invalid. A friendship is two ways... didn't you get that memo? This is pure stupidity.

I guess I never realized the impact of having a boyfriend. Not one of those puppy love situations but the serious ones. You get so caught up sometimes and you don't notice the affect it can have on the people around you. I feel rather guilty and selfish to be quite honest. All I can do now is just back off and let things go it's way. I don't want to be the one that comes in between a guy and his friends. I am willing to sacrifice what I want in order for him to fix his thing. I will meet half way and just hope for the best. There is no guarantees in trying though. Hopefully thing won't turn out how I am seeing it in my head.

I am lucky to have such an awesome bestie. Thank you for everything. I'd seriously be lost without you as my best friend ♥ Boyfriend is almost just as awesome but not quite there. I am just happy that I am able to have them both without having to pick and choose.

3 special words.

Sometimes you just wonder if love really is true. You can be with someone for five years and then one day wake up realizing that you don't love that person anymore. I've seen it happen and it makes me wonder about what the future holds.

What is love to me? Love is about accepting each other's flaws and learning to just adapt to each other. It's a compromise between two people who learn to accept each other wholeheartedly with love and care. It's something that can be taken away so quick if either side doesn't put the effort in but it's absolutely wonderful to feel loved and to return the same feeling to that special person.

I just hope for the best and that things will somehow work out. You find love when you least expect it and I think those are the best~

Makes me wonder...

Why I still put up with everything.

I secretly believe they take out their frustration about school on the little things that don't matter. Taking such a minor thing and blowing it out of proportion isn't the way to go... I say just address the problem and don't mention it again. I really dislike it when the same topic is brought up over and over again. It's use because eventually I stop listening and just phase it all out or talk back. Whatever it may be, I just need to hurry my ass up and finish school so I can move out of San Diego... even if it's just for a short period of time.

It's sort of funny when I think about how I am twenty two but still am treated like I am ten. Man, fml ^^;;

One emotion...

I hate that feeling of being disappointed or being the one that brings disappointment. For some reason, that is the one emotion I dislike the most. I think it is because it can bring out other emotions along with it, like sadness or anger. Makes sense if you think about it.

As I slowly fall more and more, the worst of me beings to come out and it's annoying. But I rather it come out sooner then later, so we can see if we really are compatible with each other. I don't think I make much sense but whatever ^^"

On a lighter note, I am going to San Francisco next week and I am super excited since it's been two years since I went. It's the first roadtrip with my sister and the best friends. That's an adventure waiting to happen~!

I've been sucking at keeping in touch too... I miss peoples T.T

Get over yourself...please.

Sometimes people just don't know how to let go and to respect others. Even though two people may have broken up how ever many months or years ago, I think that it's unnesscary to go around talking and/or spreading rumors about the other person. Sure it may have ended bad but there isn't a need to create drama.

I am trying to reason with myself at the moment but it doesn't really make much sense to me when I clearly find the other person stupid. It is what it is, it can't be fixed until the one that starts it all ends it. They are lucky I don't even know them. But I can't promise I won't say something if I do see them. Mess with my family, my friends, AND my boyfriend... you mess with me.

Stupid ass highschool drama shit stuff. LoL... I need to calm down for reals ^^;;

Drama = SHIT

Take a deep breath.

Sometimes you just have to let people hit rock bottom to realize what hole they have dug for themselves. Giving advice is one thing but the other party listening is another thing. I will let life run it's path and hope for the best.

It's okay to take a breather when you need one. There isn't really any point about stressing the little things, it just makes you all paranoid and on edge. I am slowy trying to let thngs go but I still find the litte things bother me. Hey.. it's just how I am. I can't exactly change it but I can try to improve the flaws.

Summer is going by pretty fast and it makes me sad. I like how things are happening even though I sort of wish I was back in Korea ^^" I guess SF can be the mini escape this summer.

143 ♥

I love you.

This feeling is something I haven't felt in forever and I must admit it feel nice to love someone and to be loved back. To smile, to laugh, to just be happy... I like it. Although people may tell me that it's too early to say those three special words, I believe that love has no time limit. You just know when its right. I just hope things will be good and that it's not a temporary feeling.

But anyways, boyfriend comes home in three day~! And I am so freaking excited. It's weird to know that he has been gone for a whole month.

Whaa midterm on Weds... must study... T.T

Sit and wait.

Now it's time to just sit here and wait to see what is going to happen.

Boyfriend comes home in nine days~! Words can't express how excited I am to know that he is back in less then two weeks. I know I say I am excited but I can't help but sort of nervous. Why? I am not too sure myself o.0a 我很想你~！Hurry back soon~

Drama... it sucks like no other. No matter how far away you are or how much you distance yourself from it, it will find you. I guess you just have to face it head on and hope things work out in the end. It might or might not turn out how you want. It's okay though... just another obstacle you have to face. AJA AJA HWAITING~!

On a random note, I need to tan my glow stick legs ASAP ^^;;

Annoyed like no other.

I hate how things are sometimes. I hate it a lot.

I shouldn't go to work tonight, my midterm is more important. UGH... why why why?!? This is a fml moment... =_="

我不快乐。

Summer Time~

I should be finishing up my Macro reading but I totally had the urge to blog... random. Well not really but I should be doing other things besides blogging.

So it's summer and it's been really fun minus Macroeconomics, working, and boyfriend being away. Thao is back after like being away for college for five years so we've been catching up a lot the past few days. Time really has gone by so fast without me realizing it. It's some crazy stuff I tell you. But hanging out with her makes me wish my other friends were nearby so I could see them more often.

Love... it's one of those summers. Everyone seems to be finding someone and it's kind of cute~ All my close friends are in like and I can't help be excited for them. From what I have seen of the guys, I like them so far. Good luck <3 I guess I am like because I am not bitter this time around... since I have someone ^^" Summer like/love... what more can a girl ask for right? Well, there are other things but you get the point~

I have been shopping WAY too much since summer started. Bathing suits, sandals, shorts... you name it, I've probably bought it. But it's okay since it is summer clothing... thus it's an investment. Summer 2o09 seems to be a good one so far~!

And on a better note, Marvin comes home in fifteen days. I am like super excited rather then sad. No more withdraw... yay~! So it's just a waiting game as I count the days until he comes back... I miss that nerd <3

Like I always do ♥

Whaaa... I can't get enough of this song, Like I Always Do by Drew of Varsity. So listen to it peoples~! I guess it just reminds me of Marvin ^^" So I like it? The lyrics are cute too, cheesy but sweet. Dude, I am on boyfriend withdraw at the moment. It's so depressing I tell you. I had a random cry-fest when I woke up this morning because he sent me a message. It feels weird to be acting like this since it's only a month, not forever... but anyways. Distance makes the heart grow fonder~

I was talking to Jan the other day and I think I am okay with not being friends with people who I wanted to continue to keep in contact with. Sometimes people just grow apart or their differences get in the way. The truth hurts sometimes but it's better to know then to be in denial or in the dark. To you people, it was fun while it lasted and maybe in due time we'll get to be friends someday.

Hm... sadness. This blog turned out to be quite depressing but on the other hand, I finally know what direction of international business I want to take ^^~

Happy China~

I hope boyfriend has a safe flight to China and lots of fun in the next 30 days~

Gosh, I feel the withdraw already... FML xD

Withdraw?

Yeah... you have guessed right. Korea Withdraw. It's starting to come back since June is approaching. Just a year ago, Jan, my sister, and I were getting ready for our summer in Korea and now here we are a year later. It's crazy to know that a year has passed because it doesn't seem that long ago. Maybe a winter trip at the end of this year... *crosses fingers*

Anyways, the summer is coming for me so soon. I am sort of excited since it will be a busy summer with summer classes, work, church activities, best friends, and boyfriend. Yeahhh, my first summer with a boyfriend that is actually here... ^^ Then work is a must because I need to save up. Summer clothes~! I get to wear the clothes I got last summer in Korea.

You make me smile ~

Fangirl Days

Man, I miss it.

I wish KMF in LA lasted just a little longer.

Baby and KyuJong saw our glittery sign and SHINee was rushed off the stage. Too bad we couldn't stalk people... lol xD

Happy is what I feel.

Being with him just seems to make things seem trival and makes me see what is important. I mean, I always knew but it's different this time. It hasn't been long but it feel longer. Happy yet scared all at the same time. But I guess that's the risk of being in a realtionship.

Eighteen

You're mine and I'm yours.

Let's just hope for the best.

Unexpected turn

Sometime things just plop down from nowhere and bring unexpected events or surprises.

I think it is a good thing this time around. I can't really explain it but it's not a bad feeling. Although there is flaws in it, I am sure it will work out. How? I haven't figured that part out yet, but it will.

Everyone is allowed to smile (;

It's okay to let go.

Sometimes life just kicks you in the face and shows you the reality of family, friends, and things in general.

I'll admit, I am pretty much over it but still trying to understand the reality of it all. It's mind boggling.

To be pretty or not to be...

... that is the question~!

I have recently noticed that people around me have been getting more and more prettier every time I see them. Maybe it is a new haircut or maybe it is a new outfit. What ever it is, it's really nice. Seeing my friends slowly mature and get prettier, it makes me super proud. I believe that if your friends are pretty, you are pretty as well. People tend to hang out with people who look similar or somewhat have a style close to their own.

My unnie saw me on Thursday and she totally threw me off when she said... "Resa, you got so pretty." Whatever I am using or however I am dressing... it must be working for me. I will continue to look my best then. You'll never know who you may see~!

*^^*

Forever the word that makes me smile - 땅꼬마

죽을래?

No thanks ^^;; I am too pretty to die... kidding~

I thought it was really funny yet nice when a friend asked that when I explaining this situation to him. It was more like, "Resa... do you want me to beat him up?" I attempted to remind the area but it was an epic fail since he couldn't understand my Korean. It reminds me of middle school, you know? Anyways...back to the topic. It's was kind of refreshing to know that someone was willing to protect me or looking out for my best interest. Kookki, you get a thumbs up for that. 짱~! ^^b

It just makes me sad just thinking about the few people who actually care about me are so far away from me. If i actually think about it... the people I talk to the most besides my sister and my best friend are friends that live out of the country. Since we are talking about that, Jan is coming to SD this May for Hollywood bowl... kakaka ^^ And... Oppa might be coming to SD this summer. I am excited for this, it's been too the long since last summer.

당신은 누구요?

보고 싶었... 보고 싶었... 보고 싶었...

난 정말 오빠이 그리워.

Bittersweet moments...

Today was the first day of Lent and I have decided to give up fast food for 40 days. Fast food includes In-n-Out, Mexican food, Rice King, TapEx, and TeanMore... I think I just might die because I don't know what to eat when I am away from the house TT So please wish me luck and hope that I can stay strong in these next 40 days~

I just got off the phone with Kookki... He is leaving tomorrow to go back to Korea. It's all bittersweet I tell you. It kind of reminds me of when I was leaving Korea. A rush of emtions... but it's life so I can't be mad. I know we'll keep in contact once he is back so that makes me happy. But we'll see how long we can keep it up until we both get too busy. Oppa... Thank You~


땅꼬마... 보고 싶었~

Single by Choice.

Yesterday it was two of my youth leaders' wedding and I ended up being a bridemaid along with my sister and four other girls. One of the girl was so funny and cute and used this line on me when we were talking about relationships... I am single by choice. I am totally using that line from now on because it's true. Most people choose to be single because they don't have time or just don't have the desire for a boyfriend/girlfriend. I am one of those people, it's not because I am ugly and not because guys don't have interest in me. So the next time someone asks you why you dont have a boyfriend/girlfriend, tell them you are single by choice!!!

Tiffany&Co.

This is something most girls usually want when they get a boyfriend. Usually after a year of dating, the boyfriend will get the girlfriend a Tiffany&Co bracelet or necklace of some sort. I am one of those girls who got a bracelet but isn't with the guy who gave it to me. When he gave it to me he had it engraved and whatnot. Since we broke up, it just sits in the green box it came in. I came across it the other day when I was cleaning up and took it out to look. It's actually a really cute bracelet... ^^;

Soo... it's come up several times and people ask me why I don't wear it anymore. I told them cause an ex gave it to me and that it is engraved. The funny thing is that they say it shouldn't matter and that it is possible to get rid of the engraving. I've been thinking about doing that since a lot of people have told me to.

It makes sense... in a way. Why waste a perfectly good bracelet? It's just sitting in the box and picking up dust... right? Whaa, I don't know. I'll probably end up doing but isn't it kind of wrong to do that?

One year older~

One year goes by and another year comes. I am officially 22 now. How weird is that? I know, weird weird. I have to get use to saying that. My birthday was nice this year... Thank you for all the birthday wishes, calles, messages, and texts~ I got to see my friends and catch up. Funny how things still remain the same after a long period of time. I still have my hangout with Kookki tomorrow and snowboarding the next two Saturdays ^^ Times like these I am grateful for all my good friends, you know who you are.

Gives me hell.

I was driving Beky to work after class when the new All American Rejects song "Gives me Hell" was playing on the radio. Obviously, it is a break up song but I didn't really look at it like that. It just made me think of how things are going right now. Things happen and it may give you hell but you just have to look past it all and think positively. I think that's the only way we can grow up right?

Anyways, it's a new Lunar year and I've been happy with my family and friends. Although I am starting it off sick, I have a feeling it will be a good year despite things that have happened at the beginning of 2009. I have people who care, love, and support me, what more can I ask for.

In a week, I will be turning 22. Gosh, how scary is that? Another year older and I still feel like I haven't accomplished what I need to do yet. What a sad story TT.

. . . . .

I am sick and it totally sucks.

Sorry random post ^^;

Struggle to suceed...

Who ever said life was easy... LIED.

I sound a tad bitter ^^; I am not bitter though, just confused and wondering what the future holds. It seems rather dim at the moment but I am trying to get things together... slowly.

I want to just stop and give up but that's not possible, I will be setting myself up for doom. Just give me time and I will be okay.


There is no happiness without any pain or trouble.