Looking back at 2o08...

Christmas won't be the same without you by the Plain White T's is probably my favorite Christmas jam for this holidays. It's a good mix of Christmas and rock music with lyrics that make me go "Awww~".

I do this every year... I look back at the past year and pick my top five best memories. The new year is coming in a few days. That's crazy. In a way, the year went by so slow yet so fast. It started off as the worst year ever but ended up being one of the best for me.

Resa's Ups and Downs of 2o08
* Going to Korea, that was the best thing of 2o08. To go to a foreign country for two whole months without any parents or knowing anyone... it was like starting over. All the people I met and befriended, the places I saw, living life as an independent girl... the experience was AWESOME. I started a life over there with new friends and found myself not wanting to leave when it was time to go back to San Diego~
* Cafe Venti... It started off as a job to keep me busy and as a way to get money to save up. In the end, I found my second family whom they all have adopted me as their half Korean (;
* Life was at a all time low in March and I was probably depressed without realizing it. School was all wrong, friendships were definitely dysfunctional, and I was in a bubble. The friends that stuck by me through that, I truly appreciate it so much.
* Love, Crushes, and Hurt... There was no love this year and I don't have a problem with that. This year was filled with so much crushing though. I really liked four guys in total throughout the year and I just realized that I am in no rush to have a relationship.

Resa is Looking Forward in 2o09
* With the new year coming, I hope to improve myself in school, work, and myself. I know I have many flaws but I will for sure work on my strong personality. It's okay to be soft sometimes, I don't always have to keep a front up.
* Just be happy and content with life, in order to be happy... I need to be upset and sad. I have found my group of friends and now I just need to hold on to you.
* Don't dwell on the past. Things happen and people change. It's a part of growing up.
* Save up at least $1,200 by the end of the year to put towards my Korea Fund~

Welcome 2o09, I hope this year will bring lots of good luck and joy to all my family and friends~ 2o08 was quite interesting and memory filled... I can't wait for what is in store ^^

re evaluate the situation to my liking.

Sometimes I hate going on facebook only because I know I might get unhappy or annoyed. I can't really believe how things have turned out since the beginning of the year. In a way, I blame myself for what happened because the party sparked it. But then again, it made me realize how people change and it is out of my control. It's time to move on... people change, I change. I've grown up in ways you can't understand. I am sorry but life goes on with or without you.

With the year ending and the new year beginning... it's time to re-evaluate the people, events, and habits.

변명하지 마~

To think or not to think?

... that is the question!

The past few days I have been thinking about life, mostly about love in particular. Love is such a complicated thing and there is no right way to describe it or to go about it. It's been almost two years since I've had a boyfriend and it makes me question myself about why I haven't had another since then. It has occured to me that I am quite picky and that I allow myself to be put in situation that are a setup for failure. Since the beginning of the 2008, it's been a rough one. No matter how I try, I can't seem to get the guy I want. It's always something that puts a halt to the developing relationship. I've been lead on and played but no matter what I try, it always happens.
Till this time of day, I still wonder what happened in Korea. It's been a little over three months but it still lingers in my mind. Was it me? Was it him? Was I too much? Did I expect too much out of a summer thing? Does he still care? Why am I still holing on? All these questions I have and I know they will never get answered. The closure I need was never given. Time will do the trick~

I am trying to move on. There are plenty of other guys out there, I am just not looking hard enough. When you least expect it... you'll fall for that guy with out realizing. Life and love works in a mysterious way.

All I want for Christmas...

... is you (;

Yes, I want you... you know who you are. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ... I'm just playing. A winter love would be nice though wouldn't it?

I am feeling the Christmas-ness in the air. I just went shopping for my youth group kids today and it made me realized jsut how picky kids are these days. I am halfway done with their presents, so hopefully I will finish it all before Sunday rolls around. We are doing secret santa with the Venti workers as well, I am really excited for that since it is most of the workers first time playing this ^^~

I can't wait for all the Christmas stuff to start. All the parties and get togethers with people. Snowboarding trip. Gosh I can't wait... *dances*

I am getting punished TT

I am so screwed for tomorrow. Of all the days in the year... I have to get sick today.

- A fever
- Three finals
- Focus = 0%

Wish me luck as I walk into my death TT

Stress Free is the Way to Be.

For the first time in such a long time, I feel relaxed and calm. Maybe because it's Thanksgiving break but whatever it is... it feels really nice.

Thanksgiving was lovely. I got to spend time with my family along with my Venti family. It refreshing when you take the time out to realize there are people around who truly care about you. I love family~

I am waiting for my new green Dell Inspirson 1525 to come... I can't wait (;

Thank you for Everything~

Today it's Thanksgiving and it raining~ I actually enjoy the rain this time. It makes it seem more like the holidays are around.

Since Thanksgiving is here, it mean that I have a lot to be thanlful for and that the year is coming to a close in a month and half or so~

What is Resa thankful for?
o1. God, Nothing is possible without him. God is all the time, all the time God is good~
o2. My family, Without them I wouldn't be here. I don't show it enough but I am graceful that they are around and are always support me though we may butt heads. Love you forever ~<3
o3. My friends, These are the people that keep me sane. The old and new ones I am thankful for you all. You have been there for me this past year when I needed it the most. Thank you for everything~ Bestie... I owe you one in particular. You are the one I can trust and turn to when things are so crappy. You put up with with and understand. Words can never express how much I am grateful to have you in my life<3>
o4. Work at Cafe Venti, You have become my second family... the family I have away from home. Imo and Imobu, I love you guys and appreciate everything you've done for me since I started working. The workers, you have become like older brothers and sisters to me. Take care of eghie Resa from now on okay?
o5. Good health, That's always something I am grateful. I am living and breathing without any complications.
o6. A chance to experience new things, I can say with confidence that I am really really thankful for this. Korea... the people, place, experience, EVERYTHING... I am thankful for it~

I hope everyone has a lovely thanksgiving with family and friends~ Don't forget to eat lots of good food like turkey and pie. I know I will ^^

HEY! Don't Bring Me Down!

The title speaks for itself, don't you think? Totally *^^*

For the past few days, I've been feeling tired for some reason. I don't know what the particular reason is so it bothers me a little. It's probably a combination of school, degree requirements, work, and the personal life. Why the sudden thoughts? It is because I realize there is so much I need to accomplish and complete before I actually get to go back to Korea. It sucks, but that's the reality of things.

I feel behind on school and I am to blame, no one else. I am trying right now but for some reason me trying doesn't seem good enough. How much will it take? I don't know. I am so over school but no... I must keep working at it. Work is the same but there is a flood of new workers, all males. I should be happy but I am feeling a big overwhelmed with them. Why can't it just be the original Cafe Venti team? It doesn't tell that Imo and Imobo are trying to set me up with the new workers xD I honestly don't need a guy at the moment. There are other things I am worried about. It's fun to crush though, I just don't want the attachment. How selfish of me, but that's the truth.

High School Drama. I am so over that ship, I have left the dock never to return to it again. But why do stupid people keep bringing it to me though? I seriously have no time or have the desire to waste my time on that. If only things were that simple eh? I am trying to ignore it all but we'll see what happens.

Life works in peculiar ways. Why did it choose me to have all this unnecessary stress?

My approach towards guys.

Moving on... a bit too fast?

I know people don't say it out loud to me but they are thinking that I am one that move from guy too guys too quickly. I can see why people would think that way but it it really as bad as people make it seem? Of course it's not, what's live if you dwell on something too long.

Life is too short to dwell on one person who doesn't share the same feeling. Why wait? Just move on and find a new guy. I have come to adopt this peculiar way of thinking about realizing what I had missed in my last year of high school and my first year of college because I was in a long distance relationship. While people had there significant others there, I was sitting there wishing for mines. It's actually a little sad now what I think about it. So because of that, I feel I am catching up on missed opportunities and experiencing what it means to be in like/crush and to get hurt. That's all a part of growing up isn't it?

With the many flaws I have, I am slowly trying to improve myself. Sure it's a hard task but not unattainable. First thing first, I need to be less picky and lower my standards according to my dongsaeng. I am picky but... I will try. As long as there is some sort of attractions towards the guy... I will give him a chance before shutting him down.

I guess just go with the flow and whatever happens.... happens.

One of those Sundays...

That I realize how funny kids can be. I am sure most people know that I have youth group every Sunday and I teach the group of ten to thirteen year olds. This was probably one of the most entertaining/stressful Sunday I've had since the term started.

Number One ~ One of my kids ended up punching someone another kid in the face and made the kid throw up. I didn't understand how the hell that happened. The reason for why he punched was "I was going to throw up so I just punch him cause he was going to punch me." So because he punch the other kid, the other kid threw up instead. Oh what three snack size bags of hot cheetos can do a ten year old. But anyways, I thought that was the most randomest shit ever =_=*

Number Two ~ Ever had people younger then you attempt to hook you up? Well it happened to be today. Two of the thirteen year olds I teach did it to me. There was free time so I was talking to the older girls and then one of them asked me... "Chi Nhu, are you single?" Here I am sitting there and I look at her and go... "What? Why? Yes I am. I have no time for a boyfriend." So she goes, "My uncle is single too." Right then and there I was thinking that these girls were crazy. For the next ten minutes she was trying to get me to be interested. That was the highlight of my day. *sigh* Do I look like I need a boyfriend?!?!?

So, after today... I realize the joys of teaching the youngsters ^^; Sometimes here is no explaination for things and sometimes they just cross the line. Man, I worry for these kids... lol~

The temporary denial...

I am okay with how things are. I have come to terms that things will never be able to go back to how it was before and I think I am okay with that. Sometimes it just happens. People change and things change. There isn't any reason to dwell on it rigth? It took me a few months to realize it and I do miss how it was before. But in the end, I think it's all for the better. I don't need to deal with baggages like you. I've been meeting new people and having a good time.

Yes, I am happier without you guys. I can and will say it if you ever ask me. Never once did you ask about my Korea trip nor did you show any interest. That showed me to so much about how you guys were. Right then I knew that this friendship wasn't working. I am glad we were friends but we have change and now you are nothing but acquaintances to me. The truth hurts doesn't it?

I am going to continue living my life without you. Don't expect anything from me anymore okay? You are just a distant memory to me.

Like I have said before... I don't like fronting... so no fakeassness.

Chill out whatcha yelling for?

I like it when things work out for the better once you get it off your chest. I am actually a little happy he wasn't interested. LOL, at least I won't be stressing about that any longer. Except now... I am going back to post Korea mode about... him. One thing end and another thing starts.

Anyways... this is definitely the start of a lovely friendship... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

我想好。我想韩国。

Why the sudden Chinese? lol, I am not too sure myself but I do notice that I start busting out Chinese or Korean when I feel stressed, sad, or angry. Maybe it's a way to relief stress... ^^;

I've been thinking about things that have happened recently, it makes me wonder why things happen to me in the ways they do. Or maybe it's life telling me that I need to break my habits. I am sure we all ahve bad habits we should change but it's easier said then done. I realize how much I care for my friends and get really overprotective. In the end, I don't them to get hurt. One thing is for sure... I am always up to something with guys. Why is it like that? I haven't come up with the answer myself.

I never seem to learn from my mistakes with guys. No matter how much I get played or lead on, I always end up being interested in the same type over and over. But as I think about what has been in Korea, it's okay to put yourself out there. The only way I can grow is to experience it even though the risk of being hurt is there. I have no regrets with everything I've learned about being in love and being in like. What's living without getting hurt and living in the moment right?

The heart grows fonder.

I know I said I wouldn't like him but the more I talk and get to know him... the faster I find myself slowly starting to like him. I do hear the things people have to say and I listen but even then, I still end up being interested. It's not bad to be interested but once the line had been crossed... it's hard to go back until something happens to make it end.

That is something I don't like about myself. No matter what I say or people say, I will end up getting myself attached which leads to being hurt. When will I learn from my mistakes?

Is it possible for a player to change their way? I believe that every player will change when they meet the right person. I have comes to terms that I have player tendencies BUT I'm not one. People need to realize that when I am being nice... I am just being nice and nothing more.

It's good to write~

It's time to start up a new blog for my daily rants, thoughts, and talks. Like Jan was saying to me, it felt too weird to write about my normal day to day life stuff in my Korea blog.

I will blog later... must go study ^^;